The majority of the Companions held the view that after the completion of the Islamic legislation, temporary marriage was made absolutely haram

Temporary Marriage (Mut'ah)

By Sheikh Yusuf al-Qaradawi, from The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam
Marriage in Islam is a strong bond, a binding contract, based on the intentions of both partners to live together permanently in order to attain, as individuals, the benefit of the repose, affection, and mercy which are mentioned in the Qur'an, as well as to attain the social goal of the reproduction and perpetuation of the human species:
And Allah has made for our spouses of your own nature, and from your spouses has made for you sons and grandsons... (16:72)
Now, in temporary marriage (known in Arabic as mut'ah), which is contracted by the two parties to marry for a specified period of time in exchange for a specified sum of money, the above-mentioned purposes of marriage are not realized. While the Prophet (peace be on him) permitted temporary marriage during journeys and military campaigns before the Islamic legislative process was complete, he later forbade it and made it forever haram.
The reason it was permitted in the beginning was that the Muslims were passing through what might be called a period of transition from jahiliyyah to Islam. Fornication was very common and wide-spread among the pre-Islamic Arabs. After the advent of Islam, when they were required to go on military expeditions, they were under great pressure as a result of being absent from their wives for long periods of time. Among the Believers were some who were strong in faith and others who were weak. The weak ones feared that they would be tempted to commit adultery, a major sin and an evil course, while the strong in faith, on the other hand, were ready to castrate themselves, as stated by Ibn Mas'ud:
We were on an expedition with the Messenger of Allah (peace be on him) and did not have our wives with us, so we asked Allah's Messenger (peace be on him), 'Should we not castrate ourselves?' (The reason for this request was the desire to maintain their purity of mind and body, which was in danger of being affected by their unmet needs. (Trans.)) He forbade us to do so but permitted us to contract marriage with a woman up to a specified date, giving her a garment as a dower (mahr). (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Thus temporary marriage provided a solution to the dilemma in which both the weak and the strong found themselves. It was also a step toward the final legalization of the complete marital life in which the objectives of permanence, chastity, reproduction, love, and mercy, as well as the widening of the circle of relationships through marriage ties were to be realized.
We may recall that the Qur'an adopted a gradual course in prohibiting intoxicants and usury, as these two evils were widespread and deeply rooted in the jahili society. In the same manner' the Prophet (peace be on him) adopted a course of gradualism in the matter of sex, at first permitting temporary marriage as a step leading away from fornication and adultery, and at the same time coming closer to the permanent marriage relationship. He then prohibited it absolutely, as has been reported by 'Ali and many other Companions. Muslim has reported this in his Sahih, mentioning that al-Juhani was with the Prophet (peace be on him) at the conquest of Makkah and that the Prophet (peace be on him) gave some Muslims permission to contract temporary marriages. Al-Juhani said, "Before leaving Makkah the Messenger of Allah(peace be on him) prohibited it." In another version of the hadith we find the Prophet's own words, "Allah has made it haram until the Day of Resurrection."
The question then remains—Is temporary marriage (mut'ah) absolutely haram, like marriage to one's own mother or daughter, or is it like the prohibition concerning the eating of pork or dead meat, which becomes permissible under real necessity, the necessity in this case being the fear of committing the sin of zina ?
The majority of the Companions held the view that after the completion of the Islamic legislation, temporary marriage was made absolutely haram.Ibn 'Abbas, however, held a different opinion, permitting it under necessity. A person asked him about marrying women on a temporary basis and he permitted him to do so. A servant of his then asked, "Is this not under hard conditions, when women are few and the like?" and he replied, "Yes." (Reported by al-Bukhari.) Later, however, when Ibn 'Abbas saw that people had become lax and were engaging in temporary marriages without necessity, he withdrew his ruling, reversing his opinion. (Zad al-Mi'ad,vol.4,p. 7. Bayhaqi transmitted it and Muslim as well.)

The Second Wife in Islam, Polygamy in Islam - Pakistan

The Second Wife

By Shariffa Carlo Al Andalusia


I heard a commentary the other day which hit home like little else has in a long time. A news commentator had just finished interviewing some local youngsters on the impact that the Clinton/Lewinsky affair had upon them. Most of the young people said the same. "It is personal." "Let him be." "No one is perfect." and so forth... The commentator, when summing up his report said, "The President is supposed to represent the morals and values of the society that he represents." He paused and then said, "Maybe that is the problem."
That pretty much summed it up. Clinton represents the morals and values of America. He is the poster-child for the greedy, over-indulgent American who is concerned with nothing more than self gratification. So why do so many Muslims idealize this society? Why are so many of us so enamoured with the values of these people that we either appologize for or even deny basic tenents of our belief?
One such tenent is polygyny. Polygyny is the practice of marrying more than one wife. Unfortunately, often the term polygamy - the practice of marrying more than one spouse is used to describe the practice in Islam. This is incorrect. Islam allows more than one wife, up to four.
I have found that Muslims have fallen prey to the Western ideal of one woman for one man, which is laughable when you look to the reality of their relationships. The majority of men admit to committing adultery and a growing number of women do the same. The system in the West has been described by some as serial monogomy because of the insane divorce rate, but is in reality little more than a charade for an open unchecked worship of human desire.
Unfortunately, I have heard Muslim women say, I would rather that my husband commit adultery than that he bring a second wife. What a low state we have reached that such a comment could ever come from a Muslim. May Allah (SWT) Guide us, Ameen!
I have even heard Muslims actually ask, "Why is it allowed for men but not for women to have more than one spouse at a time?" Our level of faith in the Wisdom of Allah has fallen to such an all-time low, that we no longer think that it is wrong or even disliked to question the judgement of Allah.
Too many of us follow the West into the lizard hole, and we don't even bother to take a light with us to see if it is safe. We no longer care. We assume that they know what they are doing and we jump in with no fear. I wish such Muslims would have the same amount of faith in Allah (SWT) that they have in the West.
We have to start dealing with Islamic issues with the eyes and ears and minds of Muslims, not with the tongues of the Kafirs, Insha-Allah. Look to this society. Any sane, rational human being can see the destruction they have brought upon themselves with their modern concepts of love, justice, equality and human rights. The only true definitions of these concepts are those revealed by Allah (SWT) and taught and practiced by His beloved Messenger. America has shown itself to be devoid of values, time and time again, but too many Muslims blindly ignore the results of these actions and continue to follow them, footstep by footstep.
Allah (SWT) has made it so easy for us. He has given us all that we need to deal with any issue that may present itself. He has paved an even, straight path for us, so why do so many of us consistantly veer to roads that are clearly wraught with danger and isapointment? Allah (SWT) has blessed us with guidance. He has blessed us with knowledge. He has blessed us with Islam. So, which of the blessings of our Lord will we ignore?
Allah (SWT) says,
"... Marry of the women that please you; two, three or four, but if you fear you will not be able to deal justly, then only one..." (An-Nisa 4:3)
I have looked to this statement many times. Some people point out to me the part that speaks of dealing justly, and they match it with, "And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (An-Nisa 4:129).
Here, they say, it is impossible for a person to be fair, therefore it is not allowed to marry more than one. This does not match what is written. The verse says to not desert them. How can this be a command to not marry more than one? Also, I find this theory hard to accept since I know that the prophet, the companions, the second generation, the third generation and so forth were all practicers of polygyny. If it were wrong, or even makru - as some state - then we would not find the majority among our best generations practicing it.
Then, we have others who claim that Polygyny is only in cases where war has taken the majority of the men, or in special circumstances - like when the woman can not bear children or when the woman is sick.
However, once again, I do not find this the case when I look to the history of Islam. It was not less practiced by the wise knowledgable ones in Islamic history in times of peace, nor was it ever restricted to certain conditions. Actually, we don't begin to see any problems with polygyny as a practice until the West began to exert influence over the Muslims.
Even as recently as the first World War, we see the bedouin Arabs proud of the fact that they have this practice as a part of their religion. What few problems we have are seen in the apologists who were trying to please the West by softening the image of Islam. These people even apologized for the practice of divorce which Islam allowed for centuries, while Christianity forbid it. Now, I wish I could see the faces of these same apologists if they could see the divorce rate of the West. Would they stop apologizing for it now that the West has not only accepted the practice, but embraced it wholeheartedly?
At any rate, when I look to this verse, I clearly see the if - then statement. As a computer lover, this immediately strikes me. If - then. This is a simple logic problem. Do A. If A is not possible, then do B — giving precedence to A and using B as an exception to the rule. Therefore, when we apply it, we see that the man is commanded to marry two or three or four, but IF he can not be just, then he marries only one. The one, therefore becomes the exception to the rule.
Now, if this is true, then why is it that today, not only is polygyny not the rule, it is the exception, and those who practice it are often criticized? Can it be that we have so many men who consider themselves unjust? I doubt it. I believe it lies in the attitudes of our women, may Allah guide us. We have been brainwashed by the Western ideal of one man-one wife. We need to listen to our scholars, Insha-Allah. So many of them have warned us to look to ourselves because this issue may be the one which makes us Kafir. May Allah (SWT) prevent this from happening. Ameen!
Whenever I discuss this subject with women, the first thing I normally hear, a statement which makes me cringe, is, "But it's not fair..." Allah (SWT) forgive the one who makes such a statement, for it is an utterance of shirk. Ameen!
The One who made polygyny not only halal but also recommended was Allah (SWT), Himself. Therefore, whatever He, in his Great Fairness and Wisdom, has allowed and encouraged is fair by definition.
And to say it is unfair is to say that He (SWT) is unfair. May Allah (SWT) guard our tongues from such blasphemy. Ameen!
Muslim women have to take their minds out of the gutters of the West, and bring them up to the wisdom and purity of Islam's high ground. Polygyny is not an insult to women; it is a sign of respect. How many women would remain husbandless if it were haram?
Sisters, I beg you. Look to your sisters in the Muslim countries. The number of single women has climbed so high that special laws are being created to try to fix the situation (While I know that many of these laws are misguided and based on fear of cultural intermixing, the fact the problem has reached epidemic proportions is undeniable even to them). In some countries, your sisters are having to resort to such misguided practices as temporary marriage, because polygyny is so looked down upon. May Allah (SWT) forgive us for making this so.
Even, when a sister does choose to go into polygyny, her fellow sisters look to her as a traitor, and often treat her worse than an adultress. They akin it to stealing someone's husband. Many of our sisters are ostracized and even humiliated, or worse cursed for practicing an act that our Loving Lord recommended to us. May Allah (SWT) guide us. Ameen! Wallahi, it pains me to see the treatment given to second, third and fourth wives. Sisters, we are so caught up in this idea that we possess our men, that even the second or third wife feels she has a right to prevent the inclusion of another into the relationship that benefitted her.
Where are our minds? Where is our faith in Allah's (SWT)Wisdom? Where is our submission to the Will of Allah (SWT)? Where is our love for each other? Where is the wanting for our sisters what we want for ourselves, namely family, love and happiness? Astagh Ferrullah!!!
We were not placed on this earth to do anything but worship Allah (SWT), and we have to this as He commanded, not as our desires and jealousies guide us. We are allowed to be jealous. Aisha (RA) our Mother was the MOST jealous of any woman, but she did not allow her jealousy to destroy her deen, Alhamdulillah.
I challenge anyone to show me an example where one of the wives of Muhammad (SAW), or one of the female companions, or even one of the second or third generation ever condemned a woman for becoming a second, third or fourth wife. It was accepted as a part of their deen. Sure, women tried to keep their husbands from taking the second, third or fourth wife. Sure they were jealous of each other, but in the end they submitted to their Creator, Allah (SWT).
Sure, they even tried (until the Prophet (SAW) forbid it) to ask for the divorce of the other. But once they knew their limits, they submitted to the Will of Allah (SWT). So why is it so hard for us? Why can we not follow these great examples instead of the examples of the Western woman who has no respect for herself, much less her peers?
Sisters, I am not asking you to go and ask your husbands to take another wife, but I am asking you to accept this as a natural, acceptable, even preferable practice of Islam, Insha-Allah. If you are stronger in your faith, I see only blessings in asking your husband to help out a sister in need by marrying her, Insha-Allah. Imagine yourself a single mother, an unmarried woman past her prime, or a widow, alone without support, Subhana-Allah!
Sisters, these are your sisters, and Allah (SWT) forbid, it could be you one day. Have mercy on these women. Perhaps if they marry your husband or your friend's husband, do not condemn them, curse them, expel them, boycott them or harass them. They have done the best, Masha-Allah. They have married rather than commit haram, Masha-Allah. They have followed the command of Allah (SWT) by completing half their religion (marriage). The one who objects to it, even silently in her heart, has to re-examine her faith in Allah (SWT). She has to accept this as Allah's (SWT) religion and as the superior way, because and -- only because -- Allah (SWT) said that it is so.
May Allah (SWT) guide us all to accept His decree. May Allah (SWT) make us all strong in following, practicing and accepting this great deen in its entirety, and may Allah (SWT) give us the strength faith and support to fight our desires. Ameen!!!

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The Second Wife

By Shariffa Carlo Al Andalusia


I heard a commentary the other day which hit home like little else has in a long time. A news commentator had just finished interviewing some local youngsters on the impact that the Clinton/Lewinsky affair had upon them. Most of the young people said the same. "It is personal." "Let him be." "No one is perfect." and so forth... The commentator, when summing up his report said, "The President is supposed to represent the morals and values of the society that he represents." He paused and then said, "Maybe that is the problem."
That pretty much summed it up. Clinton represents the morals and values of America. He is the poster-child for the greedy, over-indulgent American who is concerned with nothing more than self gratification. So why do so many Muslims idealize this society? Why are so many of us so enamoured with the values of these people that we either appologize for or even deny basic tenents of our belief?
One such tenent is polygyny. Polygyny is the practice of marrying more than one wife. Unfortunately, often the term polygamy - the practice of marrying more than one spouse is used to describe the practice in Islam. This is incorrect. Islam allows more than one wife, up to four.
I have found that Muslims have fallen prey to the Western ideal of one woman for one man, which is laughable when you look to the reality of their relationships. The majority of men admit to committing adultery and a growing number of women do the same. The system in the West has been described by some as serial monogomy because of the insane divorce rate, but is in reality little more than a charade for an open unchecked worship of human desire.
Unfortunately, I have heard Muslim women say, I would rather that my husband commit adultery than that he bring a second wife. What a low state we have reached that such a comment could ever come from a Muslim. May Allah (SWT) Guide us, Ameen!
I have even heard Muslims actually ask, "Why is it allowed for men but not for women to have more than one spouse at a time?" Our level of faith in the Wisdom of Allah has fallen to such an all-time low, that we no longer think that it is wrong or even disliked to question the judgement of Allah.
Too many of us follow the West into the lizard hole, and we don't even bother to take a light with us to see if it is safe. We no longer care. We assume that they know what they are doing and we jump in with no fear. I wish such Muslims would have the same amount of faith in Allah (SWT) that they have in the West.
We have to start dealing with Islamic issues with the eyes and ears and minds of Muslims, not with the tongues of the Kafirs, Insha-Allah. Look to this society. Any sane, rational human being can see the destruction they have brought upon themselves with their modern concepts of love, justice, equality and human rights. The only true definitions of these concepts are those revealed by Allah (SWT) and taught and practiced by His beloved Messenger. America has shown itself to be devoid of values, time and time again, but too many Muslims blindly ignore the results of these actions and continue to follow them, footstep by footstep.
Allah (SWT) has made it so easy for us. He has given us all that we need to deal with any issue that may present itself. He has paved an even, straight path for us, so why do so many of us consistantly veer to roads that are clearly wraught with danger and isapointment? Allah (SWT) has blessed us with guidance. He has blessed us with knowledge. He has blessed us with Islam. So, which of the blessings of our Lord will we ignore?
Allah (SWT) says,
"... Marry of the women that please you; two, three or four, but if you fear you will not be able to deal justly, then only one..." (An-Nisa 4:3)
I have looked to this statement many times. Some people point out to me the part that speaks of dealing justly, and they match it with, "And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (An-Nisa 4:129).
Here, they say, it is impossible for a person to be fair, therefore it is not allowed to marry more than one. This does not match what is written. The verse says to not desert them. How can this be a command to not marry more than one? Also, I find this theory hard to accept since I know that the prophet, the companions, the second generation, the third generation and so forth were all practicers of polygyny. If it were wrong, or even makru - as some state - then we would not find the majority among our best generations practicing it.
Then, we have others who claim that Polygyny is only in cases where war has taken the majority of the men, or in special circumstances - like when the woman can not bear children or when the woman is sick.
However, once again, I do not find this the case when I look to the history of Islam. It was not less practiced by the wise knowledgable ones in Islamic history in times of peace, nor was it ever restricted to certain conditions. Actually, we don't begin to see any problems with polygyny as a practice until the West began to exert influence over the Muslims.
Even as recently as the first World War, we see the bedouin Arabs proud of the fact that they have this practice as a part of their religion. What few problems we have are seen in the apologists who were trying to please the West by softening the image of Islam. These people even apologized for the practice of divorce which Islam allowed for centuries, while Christianity forbid it. Now, I wish I could see the faces of these same apologists if they could see the divorce rate of the West. Would they stop apologizing for it now that the West has not only accepted the practice, but embraced it wholeheartedly?
At any rate, when I look to this verse, I clearly see the if - then statement. As a computer lover, this immediately strikes me. If - then. This is a simple logic problem. Do A. If A is not possible, then do B — giving precedence to A and using B as an exception to the rule. Therefore, when we apply it, we see that the man is commanded to marry two or three or four, but IF he can not be just, then he marries only one. The one, therefore becomes the exception to the rule.
Now, if this is true, then why is it that today, not only is polygyny not the rule, it is the exception, and those who practice it are often criticized? Can it be that we have so many men who consider themselves unjust? I doubt it. I believe it lies in the attitudes of our women, may Allah guide us. We have been brainwashed by the Western ideal of one man-one wife. We need to listen to our scholars, Insha-Allah. So many of them have warned us to look to ourselves because this issue may be the one which makes us Kafir. May Allah (SWT) prevent this from happening. Ameen!
Whenever I discuss this subject with women, the first thing I normally hear, a statement which makes me cringe, is, "But it's not fair..." Allah (SWT) forgive the one who makes such a statement, for it is an utterance of shirk. Ameen!
The One who made polygyny not only halal but also recommended was Allah (SWT), Himself. Therefore, whatever He, in his Great Fairness and Wisdom, has allowed and encouraged is fair by definition.
And to say it is unfair is to say that He (SWT) is unfair. May Allah (SWT) guard our tongues from such blasphemy. Ameen!
Muslim women have to take their minds out of the gutters of the West, and bring them up to the wisdom and purity of Islam's high ground. Polygyny is not an insult to women; it is a sign of respect. How many women would remain husbandless if it were haram?
Sisters, I beg you. Look to your sisters in the Muslim countries. The number of single women has climbed so high that special laws are being created to try to fix the situation (While I know that many of these laws are misguided and based on fear of cultural intermixing, the fact the problem has reached epidemic proportions is undeniable even to them). In some countries, your sisters are having to resort to such misguided practices as temporary marriage, because polygyny is so looked down upon. May Allah (SWT) forgive us for making this so.
Even, when a sister does choose to go into polygyny, her fellow sisters look to her as a traitor, and often treat her worse than an adultress. They akin it to stealing someone's husband. Many of our sisters are ostracized and even humiliated, or worse cursed for practicing an act that our Loving Lord recommended to us. May Allah (SWT) guide us. Ameen! Wallahi, it pains me to see the treatment given to second, third and fourth wives. Sisters, we are so caught up in this idea that we possess our men, that even the second or third wife feels she has a right to prevent the inclusion of another into the relationship that benefitted her.
Where are our minds? Where is our faith in Allah's (SWT)Wisdom? Where is our submission to the Will of Allah (SWT)? Where is our love for each other? Where is the wanting for our sisters what we want for ourselves, namely family, love and happiness? Astagh Ferrullah!!!
We were not placed on this earth to do anything but worship Allah (SWT), and we have to this as He commanded, not as our desires and jealousies guide us. We are allowed to be jealous. Aisha (RA) our Mother was the MOST jealous of any woman, but she did not allow her jealousy to destroy her deen, Alhamdulillah.
I challenge anyone to show me an example where one of the wives of Muhammad (SAW), or one of the female companions, or even one of the second or third generation ever condemned a woman for becoming a second, third or fourth wife. It was accepted as a part of their deen. Sure, women tried to keep their husbands from taking the second, third or fourth wife. Sure they were jealous of each other, but in the end they submitted to their Creator, Allah (SWT).
Sure, they even tried (until the Prophet (SAW) forbid it) to ask for the divorce of the other. But once they knew their limits, they submitted to the Will of Allah (SWT). So why is it so hard for us? Why can we not follow these great examples instead of the examples of the Western woman who has no respect for herself, much less her peers?
Sisters, I am not asking you to go and ask your husbands to take another wife, but I am asking you to accept this as a natural, acceptable, even preferable practice of Islam, Insha-Allah. If you are stronger in your faith, I see only blessings in asking your husband to help out a sister in need by marrying her, Insha-Allah. Imagine yourself a single mother, an unmarried woman past her prime, or a widow, alone without support, Subhana-Allah!
Sisters, these are your sisters, and Allah (SWT) forbid, it could be you one day. Have mercy on these women. Perhaps if they marry your husband or your friend's husband, do not condemn them, curse them, expel them, boycott them or harass them. They have done the best, Masha-Allah. They have married rather than commit haram, Masha-Allah. They have followed the command of Allah (SWT) by completing half their religion (marriage). The one who objects to it, even silently in her heart, has to re-examine her faith in Allah (SWT). She has to accept this as Allah's (SWT) religion and as the superior way, because and -- only because -- Allah (SWT) said that it is so.
May Allah (SWT) guide us all to accept His decree. May Allah (SWT) make us all strong in following, practicing and accepting this great deen in its entirety, and may Allah (SWT) give us the strength faith and support to fight our desires. Ameen!!!

Marriage Bureau in Pakistan

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"Marry those among you who are spouseless and the virtuous among your male and female slaves (thereby freeing them), if they are poor, Allah will enrich them of His bounty; Allah is Embracing, Knowing. " (24.32)

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So allow yourselves ample time to get to know one another better. Don’t immediately expect Superman or Wonder Woman. Love needs time to flourish. Please be understanding as you are getting to know each other and don’t be impatient if someone doesn’t reply immediately. This is why I ask you to please be patient! Because patience is half of religion. And Allah swt rewards those who are patient. Let me briefly explain how our marriage portal works and what our rules are!

Rule 1: This portal is intended for Muslims, and Non-Muslims who are sincere in their intention to convert to Islam und are looking for a Muslim spouse who is able to take on the responsibility of explaining the Islam religion in order to strenghten the faith.

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Importance of marriage in Islam

by Dr. Sherif Mohammed
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you;
When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).
Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.
Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife."
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives."
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally, she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala."
-End- =================================================================

MARRIAGE IN ISLAM.
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Islam is a strong advocate of marriage. There are no religious clerical appointments where one must be celibate like for example a priest or nun. The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said "There is no celibacy in Islam." The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition whosoever keeps away from it is not from amongst us".
Marriage is a moral safeguard as well as a social building block. Through marriage, families are established and the family is considered to be the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only valid or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.
Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations. It neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be, so that we remain civilized and equity reigns in society. Marriage also acts as an outlet for physical needs and regulates it as well.
The purpose of Marriage.
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The word "Zawj" is used in the Quran to mean a pair or a mate. In general it's usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is so that men and women can love one another, provide company to each other, procreate and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of God.
* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and physical gratification. It is also a form of worship because it is obeying God and His messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite under God. One could choose to live in sin but by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to God.
Marriage is a "Mithaq" - a solemn covenant or agreement. It should not be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one.
For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met:
1) Consent of both parties.
2) "Mahr" - a gift from the groom to the bride.
3) Witnesses.
4) The marriage should be publicized. (It should never be kept secret as this can lead to suspicion and troubles within the community.)
Is Marriage obligatory?
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According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommended, however for certain individuals it becomes Wajib (obligatory). Imam Shaafi'i considered it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit Zina (sex outside of marriage), then marriage becomes obligatory. If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes obligatory for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed, especially if one has the means to do so.
A man, however should not marry if he does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, if he will not consummate the marriage, if he dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation. The general rule is that the Prophet (pbuh) enjoined people to marry. He said "When one marries, they have fulfilled half of their religion , so let them fear God regarding the remaining half." This Hadith is narrated by Anas ibn Malik. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from wrongful actions and upholds the family unit.
Selection of a partner:
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The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "Taqwa" (piety). The Prophet recommended suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple is permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a desireful one. This ruling does not contradict the Ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.
- The couple, however is not permitted to be alone in a closed room or to go out together alone. As the hadith says "When a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.
- There is no dating or living in defacto relationships with each other before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rates to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. "Romance" often dies out very quickly when we have to deal with the real world. Unrealistic expectations often contributes to problems within relationships. It is better to focus on compatability of the couple and critical evaluation than solely physical attraction.
Consent of parties.
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There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple. Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.
The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The Prophet said "The Widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The Prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.
The husband/wife relationship.
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The wife's rights - the husband's obligations.
(1) Maintenance
The husband is responsible for the wife's maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Quran and Sunnah. It is inconsequential whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security.
The wife's maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must provide for her where he resides himself according to his means. The wife's lodging must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.
If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The Prophet is reported to have said: "The best Muslim is one who is the best husband."
(2) "Mahr"
The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without Mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Quran. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the bride's parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.
(3) Non-material rights.
A husband is commanded by the law of God to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The Prophet's Last Sermon stresses kindness to women.

The wife's obligations - the husband's rights.
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One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and happiness of the marriage. She should be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband and vice-versa. The Quranic Ayah which illustrates this point is:
"Our Lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the coolness of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"
The wife should be trustworthy and honest. She cannot deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding conceiving. She should not have any sexual intimacy with anyone other than her husband. She should not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. She shouldn't dispose of his belongings without his permission.
A wife should make herself attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife should not refuse her husband without reason as this may lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband, of course, should take into account the wife's health and consideration of circumstances.
"Obedience."
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The purpose of 'obedience' in a relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:
(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.
(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband's rights.

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